


And I Bite My Tongue

by electroholic



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Me projecting onto mcyt again lmao, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28373913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electroholic/pseuds/electroholic
Summary: Anger bled through the seams of his person, leaking from his pores and stumbling through the gaps in his teeth.He doesn’t want to be angry anymore.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 109





	And I Bite My Tongue

**Author's Note:**

> !!TW panic/rage attack and self harm (sort of)!!
> 
> Not proofread bc im lazy and shit

Tommy had never been good at holding in his anger— that’s a lie— he’s good at bottling up his anger until the glass shatters and the liquid inside explodes, getting absolutely everywhere.

It had been a while since Tommy’s last loss of control —bed upturned, porcelain scattered over the floor, monitors busted up, fists bloody, body completely drained— and for that he was glad.

The days when his anger was at its highest were the worst: he could barely hold back the snide remarks threatening to fall from his lips and ruin his friendships; could barely hold himself back from punching a hole straight through his monitor when he was ignored time and time again; could barely hold himself back from ending stream earlier and adding to the plethora of holes in the wall behind his desk.

Now, it was just a normal day, nothing in particular had set him off besides the sound of his Wilbur’s voice. It was like that sometimes, just the sound of certain peoples voices or messages from a friend that would make him so unearthly full of rage that he had to bite his tongue and grip his thighs in an attempt to hold himself back.

Wilbur, for once, hadn’t been making fun of him— in fact, the other was calmly talking to Technoblade and Phil as Ghostbur.

Perhaps it wasn’t Wilbur but Ghostbur’s character that had set him off: the unearthly calm persona that made Tommy unnaturally jealous and desperate to feel that relaxation and the nothingness in the peace.

Maybe— maybe it wasn’t Wilbur’s voice but Ghostbur’s voice. Wilbur’s voice had never grated on his nerves quite as much as Ghostbur’s was right now.

He should say something, but he can’t as he listens to how happy the duo sound talking to Ghostbur. He can’t ruin their little wholesome moment in their lore streams because of the unadulterated fury climbing into the corners of his mind, swimming through his bloodstream like a burst of adrenaline.

Usually— usually he could use the anger to morph his character into someone more upbeat, to take his anger out during a scheduled confrontation. Right now, there is no reason for his character to be angry, let alone him. All the confrontations of today have ended and Tommy’s rage is only increasing, resting on the tip of his tongue.

He wants— he wants to rip out Ghostbur’s throat as he listens to the stupid voice the other is making. He wouldn’t actually hurt Wilbur, not purposely or in his right mind but his mind is telling him to and he wants to agree, to appease the monster that possesses his mind. He wants to anger to go away.

Tommy actually ended stream a while ago, continuing to help Techno and Phil’s on their own respectively now as they do him so often. He can’t leave now, not when they do so much for him.

So he bites his tongue and threads his fingers into his hair, tugging harshly in an attempt to channel the negativity out through the roots of his hair and through his fingertips.

It’s almost like electric, snapping in the air around him like he’s a robot someone’s spilled water on and is malfunctioning in result of that.

Ghostbur’s voice is taunting his ears, ringing through his mind as he tries helplessly to push the demons inside of him down before he does something stupid and ruins the others’ moment with his ridiculous and unwarranted feelings.

He brings his arm to his mouth, clamping his teeth down into the skin as hard as he can without getting to the point of pain that makes him cry out and catching the others attentions.

Breathing deeply through his nose, he prays for this all to pass quickly l, adding to the frustration when nothing happens and no one answers his prayers like he’s dirt.

“Tommy? I can hear you breathing, are you alright?” Ghostbur mocks, voice grating against Tommy like a knife slicing through the top layers of his skin.

He so badly wants to reach out and kick and punch and bite and scratch and fight— anything, anything for the other to stop.

“Fuck off,” he snaps back, his voice too enraged to be joking to anyone who knows him better than the viewers.

“...Tommy?” Ghostbur asks and Tommy hisses as he bites into his tongue, breaking skin. He brings his fist down onto his thigh, thumping on bruises beneath his trousers to stop the words getting through the mental filter saving his relationship with Wilbur.

“Don’t talk to me.” Tommy spits through gritted teeth, grinding his molars and curling in on himself on top of his gaming chair, pushing his eyes into his knees until kaleidoscopes fill his vision.

“Okay, someone’s in a mood,” Phil laughs. Some of the tension in Tommy’s chest lessens momentarily and his inhaled deeply, breathing shaky.

“It’s okay, have some blue!” Ghostbur calls and Tommy watches sharply as the character drops lapis at his feet.

He launches his mouse at the monitor, he can’t help it, he wants to stomp Ghostbur into the ground and rip out his teeth with pliers and break his bones and— and—

“What was that?” Technoblade asks.

And then the moment is over, Tommy looks away from the screen, breathing deeply and forces himself to say goodbye before logging off. With Ghostbur out of his sight, the anger uncoils and Tommy sags in relief, sighing as he gently pushes himself away from the desk, purposely ignoring the crack his mouse made. That’s a problem for another Tommy of the future.

It’s okay because he didn’t ruin anything, he held his tongue so it’s okay. No one knows he was about ready to drive a character that isn’t even real six foot under the ground mentally for the next hour until he’s left with nothing but numb again.

Calm at last. 

**Author's Note:**

> Peep my obsession with electricity 
> 
> Basically this is me and my problematic anger issues acting up around my brother it’s an issue man and sometimes I do just want to rip his thirst out yikes


End file.
